I brought my boys down to the waterfront again.
One taller now, no longer the baby
who once stood at the edge of the Hudson
throwing fistfuls of rocks into the water
like each splash could wake the whole world.
The other, still round with toddlerhood,
still reaching for everything,
his hands full of wonder and damp gravel.
The river looked the same this morning,
wide and silver under a soft sky,
the docks quiet except for the chatter of geese
and the small frantic feet of birds
searching the edges for crumbs.
I watched them move through a place
that’s held so much of our life.
The benches.
The paths beside the river.
The mornings wrapped in jackets and exhaustion.
The afternoons that felt endless.
Tacos from the waterfront restaurant.
Music drifting through summer air.
Strollers rolling past strangers
who somehow became familiar over the years.
I brought both my babies home to Peekskill.
That thought sat heavy in me today.
This town held me while I was becoming their mother.
It held the sleepless versions of me,
the overwhelmed versions,
the hopeful ones.
It watched my children grow one season at a time.
And now we are packing boxes.
The river kept moving this morning, indifferent to it all.
The ducks still drifted near the shore.
The trains still passed in the distance.
The wind still carried that cold water smell
that belongs only to this place.
I wanted to memorize everything.
The sound of my sons laughing near the rocks.
The way the light rested on the water.
The ache of loving a place enough
to grieve it before it is gone.
Maybe that is what home becomes in the end,
not ownership,
not walls,
but the collection of small moments
that refuse to loosen their grip on you.
And standing there beside the river,
watching my boys at the edge of the water,
I realized I am not only leaving a town.
I am leaving versions of us behind.
*
Britt DiGiacomo is a New York–based writer with an MFA in Creative Writing from Manhattanville College. Her work has appeared in the Portland Press Herald and Hearst Media publications, among others. Her debut novel, Forge, a coming-of-age story inspired by her experience at the controversial Hyde School, is currently seeking publication.
Top Shutterstock Photo by Joshua M. Cintron – A daytime shot of the Peekskill waterfront and the Hudson River.
