This emotionally powerful memoir from Elizabeth Gilbert is a sequel of sorts to her Eat, Pray Love blockbuster of 2010. That book, which sold more than 25 million copies, was translated into over 50 languages and became a hit movie with Julia Roberts portraying the author. Something about Gilbert’s year-long sabbatical resonated with women in their 30’s and 40’s, those going through their own transitions, navigating an independent life. Her experiences in Italy, India and Indonesia would be enough for any lifetime, but for the author, it was only the beginning.
Her follow-up memoir, Committed, had Gilbert exploring a new role as wife in a relationship not based on love alone, but with a desire to keep her lover in the U.S. The two divorced however, but Gilbert looks back fondly on their union. With that chapter behind her, she finds herself back on a familiar path, one plagued with addictions, both sexual and drug-related, but this time, with an attraction that brings her in a new direction. Gilbert is introduced to a new hairdresser, one who works out of her east New York City apartment; the two become acquaintances, then best friends, then lovers. This latest non-fiction, All the Way to the River, is the result of their relationship, and instantly became a new entry in the Oprah Book Club.
A cancer diagnosis turns a tumultuous relationship into chaos
There’s a lot to take in as readers follow Gilbert’s internal struggles, some of which have tormented her for years, while trying to manage the frenzied relationship she’s begun with her new love. The two make a combustible couple, with their world taking an unexpected and devastating turn when Rayya receives a terminal cancer diagnosis. Readers may feel they’ve stepped onto a roller coaster with Gilbert, expert in a confessional writing style with deep introspection, finding humor where she can. The depth of her battles may resonate with readers and will have them rooting for Gilbert to hold on through it all.
For one thing, despite the plethora of drugs Gilbert admits having taken over the decades, some hallucinogenic, some illegal, it’s amazing she’s not lost clarity of mind. In the first chapter, the author is grieving Rayya’s death and looking for signs of her spirit in their shared apartment; she’s in a total state of dysfunction. In frustration, she writes, “How the hell did I get here? is a question that I believe everybody will have to face at some point during their passage through life. Perhaps even at multiple points.”
The book’s purpose, we see, is Gilbert’s search for solace which only becomes available after confronting the demons she carries. She’s brought down to her lowest point by the cross-examination she conducts on her past actions and patterns. Readers who’ve had their resolve tested by life events, or their human flaws, will find kinship in Gilbert’s anguish.
Definition of friendships in geographic terms
We get glimpses into Rayya’s personality and sometimes eccentric way of looking at the world. In one example, she schools Gilbert in the art of categorizing friendships in terms that reflect Manhattan neighborhoods, with defining patterns and boundaries. There are the Fifth Avenue friends, for example, who are surface friends, only staying in touch for a social or professional contact; First Avenue friends have some shared intimacy, and then those on Avenue A or B, the “alphabet city” friends love you no matter what, and who “took the car keys from you when they had to.” But to her partner, she gives the highest honor: “You’re my all the way to the river friend.” It was a title Gilbert cherished. Eventually, as she grew sicker, the “river” took on a new meaning: their code word for death, and eventually the book’s title.
In anyone else’s hands, this could’ve been another entry in the sad and tragic relationship genre. But Gilbert has honed her skills at deep diving into introspection and self-analysis; with almost clinical insight, she considers various therapeutic and spiritual approaches. The writing will inspire readers rallying for Gilbert’s success, especially when she has “a ha” moments like when she defines her destructive choices and the condemns past behaviors.
One step forward for Gilbert occurred during one of her support group meetings. Admitting to the other members in the sharing circle that she was a “love and sex” addict, she was later accosted at the meeting’s end by a group of young girls asking for an autograph.It was a pivotal moment for the author-celebrity. “I felt horrifically exposed,” she says, and walks home in tears, debating if it’s worth going back. Later that night, she asked herself what she wanted more: protecting her anonymity or getting well. She returns to the meeting and faces “those same giddy fangirls.”
Readers may see themselves in Gilbert’s struggle
Readers may see a piece of themselves in this story, and if needed, may consider finding their own way to healing, however messy or painful. Maybe it’s helpful for some to see that addiction can be to a variety of outside forces: an emotional attachment, for example, or to compulsive behaviors. Gilbert’s own admissions may make it easier for others to recognize their own destructive tendencies and seek help. For readers who look for stories of redemption, or ones that reflect on life’s tough questions, they may find Gilbert’s quest thought-provoking.
In a culture where issues of mental health, addiction and finding emotional wellbeing are prominent topics of discussion, this work is timely. Gilbert is not so much questioning her life choices but performing an internal interrogation of them. She unravels before our eyes, but triumphs in the end due to renewed self-acceptance, self-worth, and making the commitment to do the work. For some, this may be an uncomfortable story, but as we follow Gilbert’s journey, we see that being uncomfortable is not all bad and may just be the path to recovery.
All The Way to The River: Love, Loss and Liberation
Elizabeth Gilbert
Author photo credit: Deborah Lopez
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